


The Countdown Begins (To Destroy Ourselves)

by CycloneRachel



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Christmas, Cross-Posted on Tumblr, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Gen, I've literally been preparing this for a month, Introspection, Mentions of other characters - Freeform, One Shot, Pre-Relationship, but I still consider it karadox so that's how it's being tagged, okay it's kind of more angst than fluff, so I hope it's good, spoilers for season 4 so far
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-25
Updated: 2018-12-25
Packaged: 2019-09-25 23:22:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17130650
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CycloneRachel/pseuds/CycloneRachel
Summary: He doesn't stop worrying for twenty-four days.





	The Countdown Begins (To Destroy Ourselves)

_December 1st_

Querl knows, somewhere in his brain, that he first woke up in the twenty-first century almost a year ago.

(He was supposed to wake up naturally, as it was planned. But, as with most of the Legion missions he went on, nothing ever went according to plans.)

December the twenty-seventh, twenty-seventeen, in fact- and no sooner did he recover from the typical symptoms associated with being in hypersleep did Mon-El put him to work, assisting the DEO communicate with a then-comatose Kara.

 _Kara Danvers, Kara Zor-El, Supergirl_ … by any of her names, he couldn’t believe he was trying to help _her_ , personally. Had helped her, which was his intention all along, albeit under unfortunate circumstances that she hadn’t asked for, and were out of his own control.

He still helped her presently, of course, but…

How almost everything had changed, in just a year.

~

_December 5th_

He’s conscious of what day it is, again, four days later.

It’s a countdown in his brain, each second an impact that he can practically feel in the back of his skull, making him intensely aware of the time that’s passing, and that is going to pass- twenty days left.

Twenty days.

Less than three weeks, in the Earth measurements- though that isn’t so far away from how he would measure time of his own volition, had he not lived more than half of his life on Earth.

Kara asks for his help, and he gladly accepts- although, much later, in the warehouse the two of them are trapped in, he wonders if this will be the battle site Alex will have to take her away from.

~

It isn’t. It isn’t.

Kara’s okay. Kara saved everyone- even though two of the antagonists she had been facing were, indeed, sent to prison.

Crisis averted, apparently, though she was soon dismissed from the DEO later that day by the President himself.

(Querl knows of better presidents, personally, and he wants to tell Kara and Alex that things will be better, even though they may not live to see such a time. He wishes he could take them there, but such an impossibility gets shut down before he can even think about voicing it to them. And never mind how said comment isn’t even relevant in the moment- so all he can do is keep quiet, and return to business as usual, hoping he isn’t found out by anyone who might think to investigate his own files)

That doesn’t mean Querl stops worrying.

It only means he worries that he and Alex won’t be able to lend the assistance of the DEO’s equipment and help her in the most efficient possible way, if something else happens.

~

_December 11th_

Six days later, something almost happens, and Querl can’t do anything about it.

When he arrives, after Lois Lane and J’onn J’onzz appear in the DEO and ask for his help- in an alternate universe, which he has so many questions about but knows he won’t even be able to ask them until after their whole situation is over- he asks where Kara is, and is only told she (and another hero) are handling things.

He doesn’t realize what that means, at first, but he isn’t there to question anyone.

He’s there, for example, to confront giant robots with Superman’s powers (just one, more specifically, that he’s glad doesn’t exist in his own universe, even though not four weeks ago Kara fought a parasite with similar abilities)- and because they’re operating on 21st century mechanics, it doesn’t take long to find the vital parts of said robot, and separate them from its body.

The robot falls onto the street, in the middle of a loose circle of people he knows and doesn’t know, with Superman himself among them. Kara’s there, safe, and Querl is pleased- especially because both she and Superman are smiling at him, proud of his victory.

(he’s not sure if the others planned it this way, to have a techno-organic being end the existence of a robot- as it would be a smaller loss, in that case, or perhaps they saw it as a task only he could complete with the most minimal damage to the city and most minimal loss of life. But he doesn’t ask, instead only being grateful that those he cares about are safe)

The others are, too, and he wouldn’t mind getting to know them better, but if he’s being honest with himself, he’s just glad Kara’s still standing.

They- himself, Kara, Lois, Clark, and J’onn- leave before he can get any real answers, and before he can specifically talk to Kara, she’s gone back to Clark’s hometown, and his farm, for some unknown purpose.

He waits for her, and it isn’t until more hours tick by that he realizes she isn’t coming back to the DEO- not because she doesn’t want to, or because she’s busy, but because she can’t.

So he goes to her apartment, instead, and when he knocks on the door, she answers immediately, with a smile on her face.

“Brainy!” she says, pulling him in. “Did you make these yourself?”

“Yes.” He answers, as she opens the container of chocolate cookies, that he made while he was waiting for her. “I…thought you might like them.”

“Oh, I love them.” She says, around a mouthful, as she sits down. Brainy’s on the couch beside her, and she keeps talking, as she swallows. “Thank you so much. Did you know Lois is going to have a baby? I’m so happy for them, they’re going back to Argo, they’ll get to spend more time with my mom, and meet all my old friends, and everything looks so beautiful there- not to mention Lois will be much safer, because the baby won’t be able to hurt her. And even though I’m not with the DEO, Clark still said I’ll protect the Earth in his absence, so maybe expect to see Supergirl a little bit less in National City. But of course, you’re still invited every week to movie night, there are so many Christmas movies you have to watch-“

“What happened?” Brainy asks, interrupting. He realizes after speaking that he places his hands on her shoulders, right when she stops talking, and then, after the awkward silence that ensues, puts them down.

“What do you mean?”

“You were “handling things”, apparently, while Clark was fighting his doppelganger and I was fighting Amazo. What does that mean, exactly?”

“I… was flying around the Earth. It was supposed to slow down time, to allow for Clark to get that book you saw before, so he could rewrite reality back to the way it was, and fix everything- and it did.”

“But were you in pain?” Brainy asks. “Did it hurt, flying so quickly?”

“I’m gonna be honest, it did.” Kara says.

She’s looking more upset now, and Brainy, on reflex, takes her hands, holding them in his own. He imagines what it was like for her, having that responsibility on his shoulders, flying without knowing anything going on with the others he’s in contact with, yet knowing he’s doing good, and contributing to saving everyone. Even though it might have hurt him, he knows if he were in her place, he’d do the same.

He knows dying would be a tragedy, the snuffing out of a light before it’s given the chance to truly shine. But, as he recognizes in her, he realizes that he, too, would rather do the same, and it is far more preferable to the alternative.

That being said, he’s grateful that she still stands, and he only hopes she thinks the same of him, even though he, of course, didn’t go through the same life-or-death scenario that she did.

“But I knew I was doing the right thing, and Clark was going to make everything right. Even though I couldn’t use the book myself, I still had to do something, and I know that if I was able to use it, Clark would’ve easily done the same thing.”

 _But you could’ve died,_ Brainy thinks. _You did not know what was going to happen to you, and neither did your friend. I could have gone through that fight, defeated that robot, and come back to find you on the ground, lifeless, right before you were most needed on our Earth._

_You might’ve died a hero, but… in this time, right now, I do not want you to._

“He would have.” Brainy agrees. “But for the sake of his child, I am glad that both of you survived this experience. And, especially, that you are safe.”

Kara smiles, and for the first time in their conversation, for the first time since she nearly died, he finds himself relaxing.

“And I’m glad you kicked Amazo’s ass.” She says, lightly punching him in the arm as the mood lifts, and the levity in their conversation returns. “Not that I ever doubted you would, but…”

“I understand.” He answers. “It was statistically improbable, given his abilities, but… I have faced similar threats in the past. It was easy as… easy as…”

“Pie, Brainy.” Kara says, a laugh starting to bubble up in her voice. “Or a piece of cake. Either expression means the same thing.”

“I see.” Brainy says, filing both expressions away for later use.

_Of course she would be aware of colloquialisms involving food. In the future, it would be most advantageous to go to her for questions regarding such matters_

Kara’s voice pulls him back to their current situation, as she looks at him with a curious expression, glasses sliding ever so slightly down her nose. It’s as though she’s asking him as a reporter, instead of as a friend, and though her sudden change of tone induces pressure on him- as she expects an honest answer- he’s also glad to tell her about his heroics, for a change.

(Even though he likes nothing more than hearing about hers. This is only a time where she wasn’t around to see him be heroic, and though bragging about himself would be foolish in front of _her_ , this time, it feels appropriate enough.)

“How _did_ you do that, by the way? It took me, Clark, Barry, and Oliver to take it down last time. Come to think of it, how did you even get to Earth 1 in the first place?”

Brainy takes a cookie from the container on Kara’s coffee table, takes a bite of it, and smiles.

“Well, it is a _fascinating_ story…”

~

_December 20th_

Nine days after Kara almost dies, Querl decides to take his mind off his worrying for Kara’s future. Or at least, he’s going to try.

And so he throws himself into helping her with preparations for the upcoming holiday, especially as she’s decided to set aside her own concerns, about Supergirl’s future, and do so herself.

Not being Supergirl around this holiday lessens his concern, for certain, but that doesn’t mean things cannot still happen. However, again, this will only bring down what Kara refers to as “the Christmas spirit”, so when she asks him to help decorate her apartment, or assist with making cookies, or any of the other errands she has, he’s there to do whatever she asks of him.

(He still has the stray thought, however, that he may give his gift to her before the day he’s supposed to- so she’ll actually get to receive it properly, in case anything happens. But it may not happen at all, so that may not be a concern…)

(It is at that point that, in his worrying, he’s forgotten to make a gift for her, or purchase one. Then again, given his discomfort in public places, and the chance that his image inducer could malfunction another time, he’s far more likely to make a gift than purchase one- and Kara is more likely to appreciate something made. But he doesn’t know that for certain. Still, however, he decides to make something anyway, although he has no idea what yet.

That, he’ll have to figure out on his own, but he’s never had a problem with figuring things out.

Giving gifts, on the other hand, he has almost no experience with, and the process, the inevitability of it all, honestly worries him)

(he knows there are some holidays, on the twenty-first-century calendar, that change dates each year, shifting earlier or later depending on when the fourth Thursday in November is, for example, or due to the phases of the moon and the first full moon date after March 20th. Christmas is one holiday that never changes date- but selfishly, he almost wishes it would)

However much she helps distract him, and however much he still worries about something happening to her at the very last minute, there is one positive about the two of them spending all of their time together during the holiday season.

That, of course, is that she isn’t out of his sight- so, if something does happen to her, he’ll probably be the first to know.

It’s comforting, as much as the idea of her getting hurt (at any time that he learned about her history) still scares him.

(He can’t forget the image, so fresh in his mind, of her fall, infected by Kryptonite. How relieved he was to see her caught, and then safe in DEO custody again, but still between life and death. How worried he had been about her, distracting him to the point where he couldn’t hold his emotions in anymore. He, as well as Lena and Alex especially, had been so happy to see her take off her helmet at last, breathe in clean air and see the sunlight clearly.

He can’t stand the image of her getting hurt to that point again. So, as much as he can, he will make sure that it won’t happen.

The only obstacle is not actually letting her know he is doing such.)

_December 23rd_

Two days before (or technically the day before) that day’s anniversary, Querl feels especially on edge.

That day, and what comes with it, is so close he can practically taste it- like the world is a slow motion conveyor belt, and he’s tied to it and heading towards that particular moment that’ll cut him up as though he’s a log in a lumber mill.

(Or at least, that’s how those things go in movies- he’s not certain as to the reality of that kind of workplace.)

But what he’s most conflicted by is also what keeps him from actually alleviating his fears, which is Kara’s own opinion of the matter.

It isn’t like she can’t handle herself, in any kind of battle. He’d seen that first-hand, and though the others in this time perhaps had their own personal experiences with seeing her fight, he knows her history- as much of it had survived, anyway. He’d memorized it while growing up on Colu, can recite a chronological timeline of her greatest accomplishments, and he’d visited the museum dedicated to Supergirl more times than he can count.

However, he also knows that heroism is a struggle, and that she’d suffered great losses along with achieving great victories. This one, in particular, was certainly a loss that took a great toll on her, and combined with the emotional pain she’d been through, he can’t help but feel sorry for her.

Which is why he’s determined to keep any more losses from happening, at least over the course of this holiday season- what he’d heard, over the loudspeaker at the mall, described by some singer as “the most wonderful time of the year.” And who’s he to argue with that?

Certainly, she deserves a good holiday, a quiet one, safe and sound with her loved ones and as many personal comforts as she desired. Not the alternative, which she’d been robbed of- and it had almost happened again this year, though she had lived through that experience, thankfully.

But there’s still time for some disaster to happen, and he’s going to make sure it can’t happen to her.

He imagined, sometimes, what she’ll think of his attempts to keep her safe, if/ when/ if/ when she finds out about them.

She could think less of him, for trying to protect her. Or, perhaps worse, she might come to believe that he thinks less of her, thinks of her as someone who needs to be protected by him, because that’s his right.

Which is incorrect, he may have the technology to do so, but she’s more powerful than he- and there is no way he wouldn’t let her protect herself. There is only a sense of worry that he feels about her, that only grows stronger and more visceral as the days continue to progress.

That possibility alone might put a rift in their friendship, something that had started off tense due to the circumstances they found themselves in but had gradually settled despite further tense situations. It was an easy companionship, with Kara, and he found it less difficult to talk to her than he thought- though he was certain that was all her doing. And it has been good up to this point… but an action like the one he is currently contemplating would change all of that.

But of course, that is only one possibility, and there are always others to consider.

She might laugh at him, perhaps, tell him something along the lines of “I appreciate the concern, but, you know, I’m Supergirl! I don’t need you worrying about me.” And that situation, depending on what villains would dare to attack her without the DEO in support, could go either way.

He understands that, and he’d especially believe it, given what mental space she is in at this point compared to the previous year. But he would always worry, and if something happens- if he doesn’t tell her about his concerns at all, another possibility that could avoid the possibility of ridicule- it will be his fault for not warning her.

If there was one thing about the 21st century that annoys him the most, it is certainly the unpredictability of it all, the uncertainty of specific situations, especially considering his own presence, which would affect the timeline in small ways whether or not he intends for that to happen. He knows about, as the human saying went, the “big picture”- but he cannot break it down, as he does not have those individual components at his disposal.

And that, if he is being completely honest- especially where Kara’s situation is concerned- scares him, as much as the idea of her being hurt does.

~

_December 24th_

“Hey, I’ve really enjoyed getting the apartment ready for Christmas with you.” Kara says, hugging Brainy to her side, before letting him go, pulling on her coat and getting her purse.

Brainy knows what she’s intending to do, of course- so, just as she opens her door, he grabs her wrist.

“Brainy?” she asks. “What are you doing? I just gotta run to the grocery store to get some real cranberry sauce- I don’t want a repeat of the situation with Alex at Thanksgiving. I’ll be back really soon, I promise.”

“Please.” He says, simply, pleading with his eyes. “Don’t go, Kara.”

“You can come with me!” Kara answers. “It’s fine! Seriously, I think the weather is pretty nice right now, no real chance of rain or snow or anything, the temperature’s alright for a walk, or even for flying. I really don’t mind, and I’ll be there for you if anything happens.”

She squeezes his hand, gently, and he gives her a small smile, in response… but it isn’t enough.

“No, you don’t understand.” He says. “I… I don’t want to see you going out there alone- who knows what could happen?”

Kara stares at him, then pulls the door closed, as he drops her wrist and she stands there still waiting for his next words.

“Like what, Brainy?”

He takes a deep breath, sighing as he exhales.

“Such as what happened last year, on this day.” He finally says, letting the words fall like she had, watching as the impact of them hits her. “When you fought Reign. Especially… the aftermath of that battle.”

He imagines it, in that moment- the nearly burned-off House of El crest, how much blood there had been on her face. The bruises, and how cold her body had felt when he first woke up, and came to the infirmary to see her. How he knew she would be okay, as did his compatriots, but he saw Winn and Alex and J’onn standing by her bed, looking so upset because she was in so much pain, and though they’d seen her hurt before, it was nothing like this.

He remembers helping carry her into one of the healing tanks, seeing the dried blood wash away, the bruises fade. But she still wasn’t waking up, so he intervened.

And she was confused, and angry to meet him, at first. Wondering how she’d get out, trying so hard to get back to her family and friends.

She isn’t angry, right this very moment. But she’s just as confused, looking at him, before the reality of her situation dawns on her.

“Oh.” She says, quietly. “ _Oh_. Did you… did you think that what happened last year, that kind of fight… would happen again? And I’d go into a coma again, so because you didn’t want that to happen, you decided I shouldn’t leave my apartment on Christmas Eve at all?”

Brainy nods, looking ashamed.

“I apologize.” He says. “I know you can handle yourself…it was just…I did not _know_ what would happen. And even though you did defeat your primary antagonists this year, you getting hurt by anyone else was still a possibility.”

_Such as what nearly happened when you and Barry Allen went around the Earth._

“I only wanted you to be safe.”

“Brainy.” She says, placing both of her hands over his. “I am safe. And like you said, everything’s okay this year- Manchester Black and Agent Liberty are both in prison, and even though I’m not with the DEO anymore, you and Alex are still gonna be able to help me, right?”

“As much as we can.” He answers, indignantly.

“I get it. And hey, you two are still my friends. So are James, and Lena, and Nia, and J’onn- we’re still a team, no matter what the President says about me not working with you. It’s still gonna be okay. Got it?”

Brainy nods, and she gives him a hug.

“Great. So, the offer still stands- you can come with me, to the grocery store. And again, if your image inducer happens to turn off and there’s trouble because of it, I’ve got your back. Okay?”

“…I would hope you’d have my front, too.” He says. “Especially because nobody would attack my back with baseball bats.”

Kara frowned, and gently pats his back, while still hugging him.

“Not exactly what I meant.” She says. “But I’ll be with you, if anything goes wrong in there, I promise. Now, are we going, or not? I don’t think the store will be open for very long, and I’d hate to waste time tomorrow on shopping when we could be preparing dinner.”

“Understandable.” Brainy answers, preparing to join her, and when they finally walk out of the apartment, it’s together, hand in hand.

_December 25th_

_Christmas, evening_

It is fine.

Everything was fine- better than fine, even, she had made sure of that. Dinner, the food in general, gift-giving… perfect.

But there is always next year- always, if he stays long enough in this century to see it, the one thing he can’t interfere with.

However, if he has learned anything over the past twenty-four days, it is to, instead of worrying about her future, focus on the present. As it is, some might say, a gift.


End file.
